A Feeling of Remorse

Sometimes, you never know how much you appreciate what you have, until the moment you’ve lost it.

When things and/or people becomes close to your heart, there are times when you’d never expect them to be gone, even if they threatened to do so. A feeling of them being always there envelopes you to a point that you’d never think they’d disappear. And when they  do, it comes as a shock coupled with feelings of bewilderment.

Cuz of this, I’m filled with the feeling of missing someone. Missing our talks, the way he used to greet me and cheer me up. Missing his way of joking around trying to lighten the mood. His own special way of making me feel at ease and secured.

They say that a feeling of remorse is similar to that of regret for a past action you have done, or failed to do. I’m feeling a lot of that lately. Even for all that he did for me, it seems that I have failed to make him feel as appreciated as he made me feel, failed to let him know how much it meant to me.

He once joked about what would happen if one of us lost our memory. Would we be able to remember each other? The answer for that is easy. My name can be found in one of the Pokemons. I wholly doubt he’ll forget that. Among my friends, a certain element became an inside joke, his representation. Na or sodium, easily rhymes with a part of his name. And since I have a medical course, I doubt I’ll forget that.

There are times when you can get what you want with the means of force. Your guts alone can take you far. But there are times when giving way is better. But giving way would mean that what you want would be lost for now. Maybe giving him his space is better. But is it? How can you choose a corrective course of action for something that happened, which is mainly your fault? Will forcing your way be good? Or is it better to just give way to his decision?

I really miss him and our talks. Thoughts of him would pop up in my mind during the day, guilt, sadness and a feeling of loss would flash through me, distracting me. My close friend told me that it’ll all work out., that things will be better.

I guess, after all, only time would tell. I just hope he forgives me and talks to me again soon, cuz I really miss him.


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