A Heart-to-Heart Talk
You know what? This isn’t the ending that I envisioned.. Sure I didn’t have any specific ending in mind yet., but this sure isn’t it. I mean., no matter how many times you can forgive someone., be okay with what they’re doing.. it just wont be enough. Something will be lacking. And it’ll leave you all empty and sad.
If they don’t know that they’re hurting you., they’ll unconsciously keep hurting you because they don’t know that they are in fact, hurting you.
I let them do what they wanted to do., Why? Because it makes them happy., And if they’re happy, then I should be happy too. So where does that lead? A lot of confusing fucks all tangled up, I don’t even know where it all started.
Then i realized. If from the start,. every couple with be truthful to each other – not loyal or faithful – but truthful,. then yes, there will be a lot of heartaches., but there will be more of trust. More trust and openness equals a healthier relationship. I know it’s going to be bumpy because of the trials and such., as it is., you can’t please everyone. I’m pretty sure you might feel betrayed too, but in the end it all works out.
But then again., no matter how lenient you are., no matter how forgiving., all this will reach a breaking point sometime. You can only cap so much pressure before something thing leaks out. And when that happens? Boom.
What you need is a heart-to-heart talk. Sit down., talk it out, see what’s lacking in each other, and then overcome it.
So easy to say but not that easy to do. Tendency is, when anything leaks out., words will start flying. You might say things you’ll regret. Do things you might wish you hadn’t. But don’t worry., everything will work out the way it will.
Well see., nobody’s perfect. no matter how many times you try to say something., promise something., there are circumstances that will try to scramble the outcome. Don’t feel sad. There are still your friends. They’re there for you no matter what.
But then., what if it was your friend you did something wrong to? Hey., they’re your friend for a reason. They stuck to you through your most awful times and they’re still here aren’t they? I’m pretty sure no matter how big you messed up they will still be there for you too. They might get annoyed with you., but they’ll save your butt when you need it most.
What does it all boil down to? Well basically its guilt. I don’t want them to know I’m like this. I don’t want them to know I’m not the goody-goody person they think I am., the person they know I am.
Guilt is what’s holding people back.. like They wont want to talk to me anymore because of what i did., and that’s what people are afraid of. Something so tiny., so insignificant.. it’s what pushes people to hide things from each other., push each other away from truth.
Well., you wouldn’t be guilty if you didn’t do what you were supposed not to do in the first place.. But you did. And you can’t change that fact now. You can’t really say that you regret it., because at that time., at that turning point in your life., it was worth it. It was worth the risk, the thrill., the excitement., They were something that you won’t experience again.. unless you do it again.
That’s what all this things lead to. The thrill of excitement. Because it’s forbidden., it makes it all the more.. thrilling. More of an experience. But the guilt that comes after it is something of an experience too. It makes you think twice about yourself., make you doubt yourself. make you think you are less than who you are.
It hurts doesn’t it? When you’re guilty and you can’t tell the person closest to you., just because you’re afraid of what they’re going to say., how they’re going to judge you. You build these ideas on your mind that the moment you speak., they will reject you. And rejection really hurts. No one wants that.
The more you keep harboring that secret., the more you feel guilty about it., the more it would hurt yourself and that person. It’s not about how they look at you that matters., not as much as you feel about yourself. Feeling bad about something.. not admitting it after.. it can lead to complications.
But then as a friend.. we need to let our better judgment guide us., not our emotions (sure that’s a good way to express feelings) because we might do something we regret. As a friend., you can overlook their shortcomings., you can forgive and accept them. simply because they are your friend and you know better than they currently do at this moment.. that they are more than that evil person they think they are.
It’s not too late to forgive., to man up and tell people what’s bothering you. Because no matter how evil it is that you did., there is still something in you that’s willing to be saved., to be recognized, and that part is the most important part of all.