I‘ve never really felt that I belong anywhere, and today was just further proof of it. Maybe I just really don’t know how to act properly, or how to socialize with people, but I always seem to get it wrong.

Everyone always tell me not to whine and just accept things as they are. So it’s what I do. But people have been telling me that I should always voice out my opinion, so as to get my voice across. Now that I do it, I don’t see the point. It was better of when I was just quiet and simply agrees to things.

Whenever I try to get my point across, or just plain share my opinion, she gets angry and takes it personal. No big deal for me, but then she makes it personal by being a bitch and acting like a jerk. Being me, I answer a slap with a slap. So what results is an “argument” wherein she keeps dishing out unreal events about me.

When losing ground in an argument, that’s when she really gets nasty. She’ll whine about how she is trying to be a “true” friend to me, and how I don’t even try to like her. She’ll moan about how she can ever work with me when I’m not even acting nice to her. She’ll say things like “Is cursing your lifestyle and is that what you do to your friends? Oh I mean EX-FRIENDS?” That’s mostly when I lose it. The part where she won’t even keep the talk in a straight line, within bounds of the topic. She brings in a lot of unrelated things, and then whines about being treated unfairly.  I mean, if that’s unfair, then what exactly do you call the police officer’s treatment of the OWS people?

In the end, a lot of people say that we should cool down or just let it be. What bugs me the most is that only I get the blame. Everyone tells me to lay off of her, to just shut it, or bring my attitude elsewhere. But to her? No one says a thing. Everybody blames me, just cuz I’m older. They cut her a lot of slack cuz she’s childish and she’s “just like that”.

Nobody ever takes MY side. In an argument, even when I was just defending myself from her insults, I get the blame. They say they talk to her, but what happens? Nothing. She’ll say sorry, saying that it won’t happen again, but it does. And it’s the same story all over again. Then they get touchy and annoyed whenever I try to defend myself. But in the end, I’m forced to apologize, and I have to mean it.

Whenever she wants something and she’s not getting her way, she always throws fits and tantrums, and this “big brother” of hers always gives in in the end. Knowing right from wrong, I try to point out a few of my opinions about the topic, but what do they do? They blame me for “continuing the argument and further encouraging debate.” Whenever her “big brother” is online she whines and tries to get her way all sweet childish-like, but she is always polite and decent to me when I say something. The moment he’s offline, it’s a different story. She makes things personal.

They say it’s cuz I’m older. Does that mean I always have to give in even if it’s not right? What about what I believe in? Does it have to bend to what she wants just so she can stop throwing tantrums? Just so we don’t look weak in front of others? But what message does that get across? Whine and you will get what you want? From my perspective, it’s not really setting a good example.

I’m pretty sure I’m going to be forced to say sorry again. But the word “sorry” is losing its meaning for me. It’s useless. Just a pretty little word, to be uttered whenever you want to get away with something, then be totally forgiven and let of the hook. Once you say sorry, means you actually realize from the bottom of your heart that what you did is wrong, and that you will try not to do it again. But to keep repeating the same thing over and over again, and just say the excuse “I am sorry I’m sensitive.” Gosh, there IS actually a saying that goes: If the word sorry is enough, why do we need the police?



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